"you cant get married platonically, marriage is about LOVE and COMMITMENT" yeah love for the bit commitment to the bit

its been an hour and a half and this has 800 notes can you understand my pain

Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".

@rmilkies

One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

This is what I like to call the Bugs Bunny Deescalation Strategy

Sharecropping.

FYI if your employer does this, if they have done it for a long time especially, you and your coworkers could be owed huge amounts of unpaid wages and it would be an easy suit if there is a paper trail like this and your employer is placing strict requirements on your behavior while not at work. Employment lawyers generally work on contingency. Just food for thought.

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

On it boss!!

[id: a set of 5 UNO cards upon which has been written, "Yes", "no", "I don't have a card for that", "can't talk right now 😢", and "I have powerful wizard magics 🙂". End id]

work is disabling; disability is class-enforcing. adjust ur ideological paradigms accordingly

Can someone elaborate?

sure!

work is disabling

• physical labour is a literal strain on your body. historically this has been a given of certain forms of labour, eg, even before the official recognition of disability, mine workers in many parts of the world received disproportionately high wages compared to other jobs because it was understood that your body would break down by the time you were 40-50 and you wouldn’t be able to work anymore. the high wages were for supporting you after that, but they were only present where unions had been able to force this demand on bosses; there’s a reason mine working has historically been a common form of slave or indentured labour. this example is an obvious one (and one i wouldn’t want to rely on for various reasons) but if you’ve worked stocking supermarket shelves, or cleaning, or as a barista, or as a farm labour, you will know that being on your feet for hours on end, the repetitive movements required to complete tasks, the strain of constant attention, these all take their toll
• work environments are stress inducing and long term stress has both physical and mental effects. it can change how you approach other people, how you regulate your emotions, how you relate to social settings. stress can produce strains, it can produce headaches, it can produce tightness in muscles that are can cause injury
• when you need to work to provide food, rent, clothing for yourself, you are not as able to protect yourself from health and safety risks. you are more exposed to disease and to other health risks, depending on the job, and you are less able to effectively rest and recover, thus increasing the likelihood of long term complications

disability is class enforcing

• being disabled is expensive. simply getting healthcare at all can be prohibitively expensive for many people. this is not even to mention mobility aids or other specialised equipment. you may have to spend more on specialised diets or accommodation. you may need to hire personal assistants or other forms of labour to complete certain tasks for you
• there are less jobs that you are able to work. you are less likely to be able to work long term. you are less likely to be able to work longer hours, and your partners may also have to work shorter hours to care for you. you are more likely to be forced into precarious employment or onto benefits which, which available, are pitifully small
• you are more likely to face job discrimination and more likely to face housing discrimination. the housing you are able to get is likely to be more expensive
• you are more vulnerable to abuse, either domestic, or in public, or by the state. this is increasingly the case if you are Black or a migrant or a woman or trans or homeless, etc, and it’s increasingly the case the more poor you become

this is not a complete list, it’s just what i could think of off the top of my head (and i just woke up too lol). i hope that clarifies some of the factors i am thinking of here. feel free to ask if there is anything that is unclear

hey @staff what the fresh fuck is this

wow i sure wonder 🤔🤔 what the new layouts supposed to look like 🤔🤔🤔🤔 its a mystery

Don’t forget y’all that there’s a much better way for us to let Tumblr know what we think about specific changes, rather than @ ing staff or wip, and it’s sending in a support ticket and choosing feedback!

Tumblr reverted some of the asinine app decisions they made after a concerted feedback effort! So make sure to use this form! It’s what it’s for, but it’s not well advertised!